


Half the Universe, Plus One

by remreader



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Emotional Roller Coaster, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 06:01:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19245265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remreader/pseuds/remreader
Summary: When Tony wakes up after his confrontation with Steve, Pepper has something important to tell him.Missing scene between Tony passing out in the Avengers Compound and the 5 years later time jump.





	Half the Universe, Plus One

**Author's Note:**

> (Written for my TSB square S5 - whiplash)

Tony came back into consciousness slowly. Whatever Bruce had dosed him with this time was clearly the good stuff; Tony felt weirdly but not unpleasantly floaty, like being drunk but without the accompanying undercurrent of self-loathing. And his dehydration headache was finally gone, so the saline drip had done its job as well. Not bad. He took silent stock of himself and his surroundings - he was back in bed in the compound medbay and the building seemed surprisingly quiet for - based on the light streaming through the medbay's windows - sometime in the late afternoon. Well, good. He preferred it that way anyway.

Tony glanced at the fresh IV tubing snaking its way down from his right arm. This new IV had significantly more tape adhering it to his wrist than the first one and the whole thing was covered in an extra layer of gauze wrapping, green and decorated with smiley faces. Clearly designed for kids. "Subtle, Bruce," Tony thought to himself, mildly amused. His left wrist, on the other hand, ached dully where he'd angrily ripped the first IV out, the punctured vein pulsing faintly beneath the firm bandaging that covered it.

Pepper was sitting in a chair next to the bed with her knees pulled up against her chest, right hand stretched out to loosely grip Tony's left while she waited for him to wake up, obviously unaware of the fact that he already had. She wasn't looking at him, was focused instead on the monitors displaying his vital signs, tired eyes tracking the jagged line of his heartbeat as it dipped and bounced across the screen. Tony watched her quietly for a bit, enjoying the passive, inattentive comfort of Pepper's warm fingers intertwined with his while he woke the rest of the way up. Just another tiny, infinitely important thing he'd missed over the past few weeks without her. Eventually though, he needed more, so he squeezed her hand to get her attention.

Pepper snapped out of her reverie immediately and looked at Tony warmly, squeezed back and rubbed her thumb in gentle circles against the back of his hand. "Hey there."

"Hi." Tony's voice came out much hoarser than he'd expected, and Pepper quickly handed over a cup of water with a bendy straw sticking out of it. He accepted it gratefully, slurping the cool liquid down while she leaned closer and moved her hands to his head, brushing her fingers through his hair, feeling around all the way down to the back of his neck. "Hmm, that feels nice," he sighed, eyes fluttering back closed for a brief moment.

"You hit your head when- when you collapsed...Bruce said you were fine but I just needed to make sure…" Pepper pressed a kiss to Tony's forehead and then sat back in her chair, eyes surveying him critically. "How're you feeling?"

"Um." Tony thought about it for a second before responding. "Not...entirely terrible? I've definitely felt better. But then again I've definitely also felt worse, so on balance I think I'm doing alright. Not actively dying is nice. And you being here is _very_ nice." He hooked his pinky around Pepper's and swung their hands playfully a few times in the space between his bed and her chair, like they were just out for a walk together. Maybe it was just the drugs talking but he actually _was_ feeling a little better, despite the mess of, well, everything - the dazzling array of aches and pains all over his body, currently mostly fuzzed over by the pain medication but, Tony knew from experience, just waiting in the wings for it to wear off; the persistent exhaustion that came with being half-starved to death; not to mention the litany of failures he was very determinedly trying not to think about… But Pepper, Pepper was alive and she was here with him, and as long as he focused all of his admittedly limited energy on _that_ he could almost make everything else fade, more or less, into temporary irrelevance. He needed it to.

He must've looked at least moderately improved because Pepper seemed to accept his answer readily enough, though it didn't entirely erase the worried expression from her face. " _Please_ promise me you won't do something like this again?" Pepper twisted her hand around to catch Tony's wrist and angled the bandaging towards him. Right, that.

"Yeah, yeah, I got the message." He waved his right hand in the air dismissively, showing off the brightly colored gauze wrapping. "I want the green guy to stay all smiles, no more messing with the medical equipment. I'll play nice from now on, no worries. Perfect patient, that's me."

That got a small smile out of her. "Good. You're running out of arms."

"So, um. Where is everybody?"

"Out." Pepper answered, a slightly anxious look flitting across her face. But she didn't offer any additional details and Tony didn't ask. "It's just us here."

Tony nodded, visibly relaxing at the implied reassurance that none of the Avengers would be popping in anytime soon for another fun little chat. He felt lighter after what had happened before, like more than just the arc reactor had been lifted off his chest but he wasn't sure his body could take another round of that kind of catharsis, not just yet. And he definitely wasn't up for any sort of mission right now; he wasn't entirely sure he should even try standing up again for a bit.

"Right. Um, can I have some coffee?" It was an idle request, meant more to keep the conversation going than anything else; Tony knew perfectly well Pepper wouldn't let him have any and sure enough she frowned back at him. "Come on, Pep," he whined, "I haven't had a good cup of coffee - or, you know, _any_ _coffee at all_ \- in almost a _month_."

" _No_. Last thing this," she tapped his chest, right above his heart, "needs right now is caffeine."

"Well how about a cheeseburger then?" Tony was more obviously joking now, his eyes twinkling mischievously at Pepper. Maybe it was a bit inappropriate, teasing at a time like this, but when had that ever stopped him? Besides, slipping into the familiar rhythm of their banter just felt _right_ , kept him sane, made him feel really properly _alive_ for the first time in weeks. He could tell Pepper felt the same way because she grinned back immediately and played along.

" _Definitely_ not. And before you ask, no, you can't have a press conference either."

"Good, didn't want one of those anyway." Tony was about to cross his arms behind his head and lean back with a satisfied smirk, maybe quip that this time he actually _did_ want the other thing when he remembered that he had an IV in one arm and a bandaged up injury on the other and froze, uncharacteristically unsure of exactly _what_ he should do with his hands.

Pepper gave him a fondly exasperated look and then leaned in for a kiss that was, in Tony's opinion, _excellent_ but over entirely too quickly. "You have to take it slow, Tony."

"I don't _like_ taking things slow," he retorted petulantly, throwing in an exaggerated pout for good measure.

"I'm aware." Pepper rolled her eyes and settled back in her chair, shifting her expression and posture into Serious Business Mode™ with remarkable speed. She handed Tony some saltine crackers to snack on, which he eyed somewhat woefully but accepted. He really _should_ try to get used to eating solid food again if he had any hope of Pepper letting him near the good stuff. "Can we talk?"

"We are talking," Tony pointed out helpfully, voice slightly muffled from his mouth being full of cracker crumbs. "Right now. Mouths moving and everything."

"Tony." Pepper fixed him with her patented glare of disapproval, the one Tony knew all too well from years of her wrangling him into focusing on work, usually right after turning down his music and stubbornly refusing to engage (much) in his attempts at flirting her into distraction. He wasn't entirely sure if he'd earned it this time for talking with his mouth full or for being a smart-ass. Probably both, though you'd think she'd be used to the latter. Comforting at least to know that even in these circumstances, Pepper was still Pepper. "I need you to not be your usual-"

"Devastatingly charming?"

"- _overly talkative_ self for a minute, there's something important I have to tell you."

That got Tony's attention. He'd assumed she wanted to talk about What Happened and he very much did _not_ want to do that, not yet. Maybe not ever. But apparently not. He looked at Pepper and cocked his head to the side, intrigued.

Pepper twisted her hands nervously in her lap for a few seconds then blurted out, "You were right."

At her words it was like the wall he'd been carefully building in his mind between himself and the world outside this room with Pepper came crashing down. Everything from _that_ confrontation came back in a horrifying bitter rush and it wasn't Pepper he was seeing anymore at all but Steve, standing in front of him again and demanding more than Tony had left to give, reminding him of everything he had failed to do and be.

"Of course I was right, I'm always _right_ and it's never made a damn bit of difference, has it?" He spat the words out, snapping instinctively, defensively. What was the _point_ of it all, of the years of nightmares and the sleepless nights when he _wasn't_ having nightmares if nobody was going to listen and _nothing_ he did was going to matter in the end? "Fucking _Cassandra_ , that's me. But hey, at least I was _right_. Feels great, it really does. Thanks for the validation, Cap-" Wait, no, that wasn't right… The moment faded away, his vision cleared, and all that was left was Pepper, looking back at him with a mixture of hurt and concern on her face. _Oh_.

Tony lifted his left arm to his forehead, pushing hard against his bandaged wrist until even through the lingering haze of painkillers the pain started to spark in little white pinpricks behind his closed eyes. Damn it, damn it, damn it. He really was a mess, if all it took was a few accidental words to shatter the careful veneer of normalcy he'd been clinging to. And now he was lashing out at _Pepper_ , the last person in the world, in the whole universe, that deserved it. "Shit, no. I'm sorry. That wasn't… I didn't mean that, Pep, not to you."

Pepper sighed. "I know." She gently pulled Tony's arm away from his face and kept his hand held in both of hers so he couldn't keep hurting himself with it. "But maybe you should get some more rest first. This- it can wait." She didn't sound particularly enthusiastic about the prospect.

"Doesn't really seem like you want it to," Tony observed quietly. "No, it's fine, I'm fine. That was- that was just- it was a thing and it's over now and I'm good. I promise." He took a deep breath then continued, softer this time, almost pleading, "What was I right about, honey? Please?"

Pepper took a deep breath, mulling it over, and decided it was safe to continue, or at least important enough to be worth the risk of him freaking out on her again. "So. Um. You were right about me...and- and us." She fiddled with Tony's fingers avoidantly for a few seconds before finally looking up and meeting his eyes, watching the gears turn in his head as he slowly put together what she was saying, willing him to understand. "And 'future us-es'..."

And just like that, it clicked. "Wait, that... do you mean… are we… you're…?" Tony stammered adorably over the words before finally getting the complete question out in a tone of awed disbelief, "Pepper, are you telling me you're _pregnant_?"

Pepper nodded, smiling slightly and chewing on her lip nervously as she looked back at him. It wasn't that she'd thought Tony wouldn't be happy, she remembered how he'd bounced excitedly at just the _idea_ of the two of them having a kid that day in the park, but that was before. Before Thanos and the Snap, before he'd come back to her broken and starved and half-dead.

"Holy shit, Pep. Really?" Tony squeaked out the last word before recovering slightly and continuing. "That's amazing, that's...wow." He gazed up at her, softly, reverently, his dark eyes wide and bright and a little watery. He reached out to Pepper tentatively and pressed his hand against her stomach. There was nothing to feel yet, no visible signs, just her familiar comforting warmth radiating through the fabric of her shirt. But Morgan - he couldn't help but think of the baby as Morgan already, it just felt right - was _real_ , right there beneath his fingertips. Not just an impossible dream to cling to as he stared out into the unforgiving void of space. "How-"

"I'm pretty sure you _know_ how, Mr. Stark," Pepper interjected, teasing him. The broken tension was apparent in the new lightness of her voice and she sounded almost giddy, clearly pleased and maybe even a bit relieved by Tony's reaction.

Tony grinned back and pitched his voice deliberately low and seductive for effect, "Well I _am_ always down for a refresher in that area, Miss Potts." He tried to raise an eyebrow at her suggestively to complete the picture but the movement pulled painfully at a bruised cut just below his eye and he winced. "Um, maybe not _right_ now though." He got quieter, more serious, "No, I was going to ask how, um, how far along is it- I mean, are you?" He squinted suspiciously at her then, realizing something. "Wait a second, when did you know? Because I asked and you," he pulled his hand back and jabbed a finger in her direction, "you _laughed_ it off!"

"About two months." She smiled softly and grabbed Tony's jabbing finger out of the air, pulling his hand down to rest in her lap. "And yes I _have_ known since that day but I didn't when we were talking, I swear. After you left on that ship I just kept thinking about what you said, about that dream... You seemed so sure and I knew it was ridiculous, _obviously_ , but it was giving me this weird feeling so I took a test anyway, and it was positive… It's funny, I might not have realized for a few more weeks if it wasn't for you…" Pepper was rambling a bit now, toying gently with Tony's fingers while she talked.

But Tony had frozen near the beginning of her speech, his brain spinning one little phrase over and over again like a needle skipping and scratching over a broken record, three words twisting unpleasantly in the pit of his stomach.

 _After. You._ **_Left_**.

Tony could feel his blood run cold and his breath caught in his throat. That's right. He _left_. Didn't just abandon her like he'd thought, as if that weren't bad enough; he'd left her alone and _pregnant_ , abandoned his unborn kid too. And for what? It hadn't even _mattered_ in the end, all he'd done was lose. Lost Peter, lost half the damn _universe_. Lose, lose, lose, _loser_. Six _years_ to prepare and he'd still fucked it all up, so how exactly was he supposed to handle this? God, he was going to screw things up worse than Howard ever had, wasn't he? Hell, he almost already _had_ \- if he'd died out there... Stress, pregnancy, not a great combo, and what could be more stressful than watching half the world crumble to dust (oh yeah, his fault, add it to the list), and him not even there to help her through it? No, he'd just knocked her up and then _left the planet_. Talk about an absentee parent. If anything went wrong, if anything happened to Pepper or to their baby it was 100% irrevocably _his fault_.

The panic was rising faster now, coiling up in Tony's chest and spreading all over and a familiar uncomfortable pressure squeezed in on his heart as it pounded painfully in his chest. His hand started trembling in Pepper's loose grip and she looked up at him in alarm. "Tony?"

"Are you ok? Of course you're not how could be ok I left and you were… and I almost… oh god I'm so sorry, Pep. S'posed to protect... _promised_. You would've been… all my fault and I- I couldn't even…" Tony's speech fragmented rapidly into hysterical incoherence as he spiraled and struggled to catch his breath.

"Shit." Tony heard a loud _click_ off to his right as Pepper pressed the button to inject a new dose of Bruce's sedative into his IV and then in another second her hand was tangled up in his damp hair. She stroked through it comfortingly in the way only she could, fingers twisting through his curls, nails scratching lightly against his scalp, and then she was talking to him in a determinedly calm and soothing voice. She was, unfortunately, all too used to this and had enough control to keep the fear she still felt every time it happened from breaking through into her voice. "Tony, listen to me. I need you to breathe for me, honey, you can do it. Nice and slow. It's going to be alright."

"Pep…"

"Shhh, it's ok. I've got you. Just breathe."

Tony forced himself to concentrate, to focus on right here, right now, _Pepper_. He squeezed his eyes shut and let her ground him; tuned out everything but the sound of her voice, the feeling of her fingers in his hair, the smell of her shampoo in the locks of hair brushing against his chest as she leaned over him. Familiar, safe, _home_.

Eventually Tony got his breathing somewhat under control; calmed down enough to ask again in a quiet, tremulous voice, "Are you ok?" He reached out a shaky finger and ran it against Pepper's stomach, "Are you both ok?"

Pepper gestured for Tony to scoot over a bit so she could climb up and sit on the bed next to him. "Now come here," she commanded gently. He obliged, snuggling into her just like they did so often at home, her sitting up and Tony lying with his head leaning in against her side. She wrapped her arm around him and started slowly tracing idle patterns along his back while she figured out exactly how to answer his question honestly but without sending him spiraling off again.

"I'm not going to pretend it was ideal, any of this. Everything that's happened and then you- not knowing…" Pepper's voice quavered slightly but she forced it back under control. "Not knowing if you'd come home or not. But you _did_ , and right now that's enough."

"You told me not to go." Tony whispered, sounding ashamed. "You sounded so scared, I should've-"

Pepper let out a heavy sigh. "Of course I was. I'm never going to _want_ you to go and I'm always going to be worried when you do but look, I also know...you wouldn't be _you_ if you stayed. You told me that a long time ago, remember? Worried _and_ proud, that's always how it's going to be. It hasn't always been easy coming to terms with it, but I do actually know what I signed up for with you, Tony. Just maybe don't go off into space again anytime soon, deal?"

Tony shivered and curled in closer to Pepper's warmth, like he could feel the chill of that vast emptiness reaching for him again just from the word. "It didn't make any difference, Pep." He whispered, even more quietly than before. "I couldn't stop him, I couldn't save Peter, or the wizard, or any of them." The only ones who'd been saved that day were him and Nebula, and neither one of them believed they deserved it. "I couldn't _do_ anything. All those powers, all my tech...he was just a terrified kid, in the end; he _trusted_ me and I let him die."

"You were there. That's not nothing, Tony. You made sure he didn't have to be alone when it happened. Maybe sometimes that's all we can do, just...be there."

Pepper let Tony sit with that thought for a moment before continuing. "As for the rest of your question, I'm fine, _we're_ fine. Everything's normal, and healthy. And it's not like I've been dealing with this completely on my own, ok? I know you've got some image in your head of me fending for myself in the apocalypse or whatever, because you're you…" Tony twitched a little at that, confirming her suspicions. " _Anyway_ , Rhodey knows, and I told Bruce as soon as I got here; they've been looking out for me, medically and otherwise."

"What about Happy? Shit, is Happy-"

"Happy's fine, don't worry. I just, um, thought it might be best not to tell him right away, at least not until you were home. You know how he gets…"

"Ok yeah, that makes sense." Tony couldn't help cracking a small smile at the mental image he suddenly had of Happy in peak overzealous Forehead of Security/best friend mode; Pepper wouldn't have gotten a moment's peace. Then he got serious again. "You _really_ are ok?"

" _Yes_ , Tony, I promise. The only way I _won't_ be," Pepper trailed her finger down Tony's face as she spoke, tracing along his cheek and then bringing her hand down to rest for a moment on his chest, where she could feel his still mildly frantic heartbeat gradually working its way back to a more reasonable rhythm. "Is if you give yourself a heart attack worrying about me."

Tony let out a short self-deprecating laugh at that before continuing in a voice that was still ragged and a little bit shaky. "Yeah. Sorry. Could've handled that a bit better. And I don't want you to think this isn't, that I'm not…"

Tony frowned, trying to figure out exactly how to express what he needed her to understand. He'd had so much time to think and dream while he and Nebula were drifting through space. About Pepper, always Pepper, but about Morgan too. He'd seen so many different versions during those long nights, his mind spinning tantalizing impossible possibilities behind his fevered eyelids. His and Pepper's traits shifting and recombining but always it was Morgan and always so beautifully, perfectly _theirs_. He didn't think he'd make it back, that any of that would ever be real, it was just nice to pretend. But he had, and now it was, and that was _brilliant_ but it was also completely and utterly _terrifying_.

He started again. "I just, I want- I _need_ you - us - to be safe. I need to _know_ that and I'm never going to stop worrying." And he knew, they both knew, what that meant. Knew it all too well, how when it came to Tony, normal, healthy levels of concern so easily escalated into obsession and hyper-vigilance until he became part of the problem he was trying to fix. He was a lot better now, better at recognizing the problem at least, better at letting her know when he was struggling, but it was still there, looming.

"I know, honey." Pepper hugged Tony close, pressed a quick kiss into his messy hair, and then tilted his head up with her finger so he was looking at her, looking right into those bright blue eyes that he knew would never lie to him. "And we are. We're going to be ok."

Tony nodded. They stayed curled up together on the bed like that for a while, neither one saying a word. Tony was starting to feel a little bit calmer, trusting Pepper's soft reassurances, his brain finally fully processing the fact that something really, truly _good_ was happening in his life, whatever the associated risks. Eventually he could feel the room going syrupy again and ok, maybe a little bit of his mood improvement was that second dose of sedative beginning to kick in. But mostly it was Pepper. Hmm...Pepper. He needed to tell her, it was very important, before the drugs succeeded in their insistent pull towards sleep-

"Hey Pep?" Tony's voice came out a little slurry; he really was just on the edge of passing out again. He looked up at Pepper with that smile and that look in his eyes that never failed to send sparks all over her body and made her feel like she was the only person in the universe, or at least the only one in his. "I love you."

Mission accomplished, he snuggled closer to Pepper, grinned into her side, and laid his hand on her stomach, wiggling his fingers expectantly. She covered his hand with hers, lacing their fingers together. Tony stopped resisting the siren call of unconsciousness then, let his eyes close, and in a few seconds he was fully asleep and starting to snore lightly.

Pepper smiled and gave Tony's hand a gentle squeeze. "I love you too."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Comments always welcome :)


End file.
